The Calls.....

So, yesterday I got some VERY disturbing news from my primary doctor.  My rheumatologist had already called on Monday to let me know my liver levels were high.  Well we both had agreed that it was PROBABLY due to the fact that I'd drink both days leading up to my blood draw. And apparently, I wasn't supposed to have been drinking for the last 7 weeks due to the sarcoid medicine lol.  Now I went back last night (as I did the day I got the coid medicine) and reread every word on the medical sheet as well as the bottle itself.  The only thing mentioned about alchol is "Talk to your doctor about drinking alchol with this medicine"...not one place did it say "do not drink with this medicine".  Regardless, the news of not being able to drink hit me infinitely more hard than the high liver levels lol....until yesterday's phone call.

Primary doc---who'd taken blood for my physical---also saw the high liver levels and was concerned.  I told her nurse about the coid medicine snaffu and she happened to mention to me what "high" exactly met.  Normal liver levels are supposed to be between 53-125...mine?

360-something.

yeah...

that...

happened.

WTF! So, now I'm a little freaked out.  I would be the freak to give herself accidental liver damage.  Thank god it regernates and I'm young lol.  But the nurse doesn't stop there, my cholesterol, thanks to Harold's Chicken is 266! But before I can fully digest this, the nurse hits me with her Ace card.  My primary doc would like to discuss "aggressive weight loss" options.  To put into context how not okay with this I was, I went home (after a good cry in the car ride home) and began cleaning as I normally do when i don't want to think about something.  And I:

• Bleached my tub
• Cleaned my toilet and vanity
• Washed walls in the bathroom
• Hand mopped the bathroom floor
• Dusted the bath and living room
• Cleaned the upohlstry on my couch and changed the couch linens (yes I have couch linens!)
• Swept
• Vaccumed
• Washed my dishes
• Washed down my coutners and cabinets in the kitchen...

Yeah I cleaned for 3 hours straight, after which I felt slightly better.  Still thinking about how my health is seemingly not getting better and it's freaking me the hell out!  I'm too young for this shit, I'm too young for this! I'm not a bad person, I know I haven't been trying but I made a plan.  My primary doc is supposed to call me herself and have "the weight talk"  I guess, and given the last 8 months and my preoccupation with my weight I know one thing:

ANY kind of bariatric surgery is out.  Mentally I'm not ready (and my therapist will attest to that) and financially I can't afford it.

I hope my doc and I can work something out.  She's older (60's) so she may be old school but I would be willing to see a nutrionist, check in with the doc every 4 weeks, give up meat, get a personal trainer, what evs!  I mean I was so hyped up and scared last night that I made my lunch and put it all into my WW tracker lol.  Lunch today is a spinach salad with 1/2 cup each of green peppers, onions, and mushrooms.  Homemade dressing of balsamic, olive oil, and Mrs. Dash.  And the Lean Cuisine Swedish Meatballs.  Total points for my lunch...6 points...been A WHILE since I could say that lol.

Yeah, more than anything last night I was just terrified.  I mean I'm 30 and I have allergies, asthma, sarcoid, a weak right hip, a questionable liver, and I'm 100-150 lbs overweight.  I've been focusing on me mentally the last 8 months which is why I didn't completely loose my shit last night.  But now it's time to get down to the nitty gritty.  I'm going to change.  I AM going to loose this weight and get better because I can't continue to live my life in pain, doctor's offices, and blood labs.  I'm tired of this and it's tough love time...

Scared but phocused,

Earl