My Unecessary Jennifer Hudson Hate-On...

Hee, hee....I love the title of this blog. Yeah I've been on a random smart ass kick today lol. Anywho, I think today I would like to write about my secret hate-on that I have for Jennifer Hudson. See? Random... and it will be very smart assy...lol....lmao...

Okay here's why I may not ever be a dam celebrity...seeing all these WW ads...which by the way I have decided to go back to meetings early because I can't really afford the online option ( 54 versus 40...I know big whoop...excuses excuses for not journaling just puttin that out there...). Anywho...seeing all these WW ads all I can think of is how very clever of you Jennifer Hudson. You know you're not gonna continue to get cast wearing a size 16 (I believe that's what she was for the Sex in the City movie role in which she did NOT audition for...it was wrote for her...oh and that is important momentarily...)....so after getting knocked up how convenient that she's loosing the "baby" weight on WW. I wish she would have just worn a t-shirt that said "I know I won't get good roles this size so I'm going to listen to my agent and drop down into the single digits" lol. Now before I had this epiphany I was perfectly okay with J.H. as a WW rep. Now I feel that familiar feeling EVERY single women feels when another woman is losing weight...JEALOUSY. And if you don't agree you're doin a better job of lying to yourself than I am about journaling what I eat everyday lol. I don't have time to beat around the dam bush so get used to me just saying things because I need to write about them to understand them. Which is why I've never done a public blog. New ideas make people think of their own insecurities. And I know this....not because I'm some clinical psychologist but because I got through it too! I loved J.H....till she got skinny lol. No, I still like her but now it' s like subconsciously I feel like she's one more curvy independent strong woman who succumbed to the pressure. So is she still independent and strong? And furthermore, when I start losing weight, will people start to think based on my success that "Oh she just got healthy?". I mean where is that line between changing for myself and changing for society? AH HA.. bout time I got to the point of this post...you were wondering too...it's okay I still heart you lol. Like for realsies....I would be LYING MY ASS off if I said I just wanted to loose weight to be healthy. Believe me my bum hip, shoulder, knee, and asthma can all attest that losing weight would greatly benefit my health lol. HOWEVER, I can't live my life trying to pretend vanity has no pretense when I'm trying to be successful on one of the most...no the most superficial profession: acting. I almost put modeling above that but really honestly there are some ugly models makin bank out there lol. I think it's about how emaciated you can look, while still be physically animated (if you don't eat can you still be considered a living thing?...wait that sounded harsh but think about it...lol see random smart assness...). Most of them if them start off as child models and if they don't, for the women, get attached to and pop our kids to a wealthy man, they end up trying acting eventually. Man that sounded really harsh but I've heard worse insults from kids to other kids on the playground....suck it up Naomi...oh wait she my sue me or worse beat my ass with a cell phone...suck it up...dam I don't know any other current models name...thank god...

The point in all of this randomness is that...I do wonder about my identity. Like when J.H looses all of her curves then what? Will she still have that big phabulous personality that sterotypically goes with the "big black woman" actress? Or do we secretly think less of her because she'll have an easier road simply because she's thinner (oh don't act like thin people don't get first dibs on everything hell lol..)? Again, is she less of a curvaliciousand phabbulous woman? But if feeling out of control of your body makes you feel unphabulous are you staying true to yourself or what you think the people in your life (who are used to the overweight you) feel about you and by extension their own insecurities? See I wrapped that shit up good....hee hee...well I got to the good meat of this source of stress for me...answers are a whole nother blog! Anywho I know you may think I'm supa analytical and obessive with way too much time on my hands and your right lol but dudes and dudettes for realsies this is something I go through EVERY DAY lol. I mean you gots to be crazy to want to go into a career that can destroy your self image, self confidence, creates drug and alcohol dependencies, and only creates the illusion of wealth if you don't do right by the money you do make. I guess it's like Tom Hanks character in "A League of Their Own" put it..."it's the hard that makes it great".... I put my faith in my current family and friends that should I make it "to the big show" that I don't turn into some 97 lb., coke head, wash out after one big gig lol. Not saying that J.H. is going that route...you know what... I apologize Jennifer Hudson for this whole blog (I only apoligize if the person truly has it coming!). I'm a jealous asshole. Yeah I just said it and I mean it. Hating on you is not shrinking my waistline or helping promote black actresses (men get enough dam work). I just wish I could hear your "hard" that's led to your "great" waistline...throw a sista a bone so I can feel like I'm not alone!

Phlabbs Away!

Earl