No More Carlos Regret!

Everyone know's that in college I had the hugest hard on for this guy named Carlos.  Tall, argentenian, smart (physics and music major...can you say HOT?), but painfully shy.  Add in my SUPER awkwardness, I sort of just pined for him instead of taking a leap of faith.

With The Diva back...it occured to me that back then I had to understand why I couldn't control myself around him (I have never been more strongly physically attracted to a guy...whew I got hot just thinking about the idiot lol). I had to know why I could look at him and forget everything this indepenednet black woman thought in favor of pretty much doing anything to just get close to the guy. Meanwhile he had no clue, or was being too awkward to deal with it.  Either way I gave him 2.5 years of my enegery and to be honest...7 years now cause it's never went away!  And when he friend requested me a few weeks ago it started up all over again! Analyzing fantasies...and for what?  Nothing has changed!





I still don't know why I'm attracted to him, and given the chance I'd still rip his clothes off with my teeth so what is there to analyze?  What he will think of me if I flirt with him?  If he will stop talking to me out of awkwardness if I tell him I want him?  I mean nothing will happen that will be worse than pining for someone I never even talk to anyway!

*This is where I had a supa hot recent pic of Carlos embedded but then thought better of it as he'd probably freak out if he knew I thought about him to the extent of keeping pics of him. I'm NOT a stalker....it's just a very very nice pic :) *
So in the true spirit of living an invigorating reality I sent him the following message on facebook---hey I wanted to actually chat with him about it instead of sending a really awkward passive aggressive email but the fool hadn't gotten back to me in like 4 days and I wanted to get this off my mind!:

Okayyyy so you were probably ALL into the U-17 world cup this weekend (yes I know about soccer…my best friend is Mexican and my nephew is going to college on a soccer scholarship lol)… so I’m just gonna go ahead and write you this really awkward message lol. Basically...I’m turning 30 in a couple of weeks. And with each birthday you reflect on your life (least I do lol) and to this date I’ve only had 3 regrets. Unfortunately you are one of them. Specifically, I regret that I never once tried to get at you. I say “get at you” because I never wanted to date you per say but “get in your pants” sounded a bit crass ;). I know you’re probably wondering what the hell, and where the hell is this coming from lol. Well, I think I finally figured it out lol.


In high school I was such a goody two shoes that casual hookups were never even on my radar. However, once I got to college…with the extra time, booze, and being stuck repeatedly in room with a tall, attractive, smart, Argentinean guy… suffice to say I started to think about sex quite a bit lol. The problem with you was every time I saw you I would turn into a socially awkward 12 yr old girl because I was, and still am, sooo physically attracted to that I couldn’t even give you a good reason why besides I wanted you lol. This shouldn’t come as a surprise to you or anything to you. I mean anyone who came within 2 feet of the Aud knew exactly what I thought about you lol. But, being the consummate little student I was, instead of just going for it, I started analyzing the situation. And I see now that THAT WAS COMPLETE BULLSHIT lol--- I was simply being a coward. Then when I got your friend request a couple weeks ago, that same regret-after-the-fact started nagging at me. That’s why I’m being a little impatient…I realized I'm not the person I was in colleg and I don't want to go even one more day letting someone, even someone I may not ever see or talk to again, think I’m a socially awkward shy idiot, and that if I had it to do all over again we would have had A LOT more fun in the Aud lol.


Whew…that’s much better:). Now, since I didn’t want to just dump all this on you at once (hence the chat request) don’t be all weird now and ignore me forever lol. Or the opposite, send me some forced reply---totally unneeded hun :). Just consider this entire message one incredibly long compliment, and if you’re ever passing through Chicago…my offer still stands ;)…

Phabulously Yours,
Earl!

Yes I just went gansta Diva on him!  He's probably right now feelin so blown he doesn't know what to say lol. And though a positive reply would be great, I'm just glad to get it off my chest.  When I realized how insecure I'd acted and how much energy I'd wasted on him, I had to tell him!  I had to.  I couldn't give him one more minute of my energy.  I'm gonna do the same thing with AZChris in August.  I'm going to give it to him so there is NO doubt when he leaves exactly what I WANT! 

Invigorating realities only!

Phabulously Yours (even with Chipmunk Cheeks...dam sinuses lol),

Earl!