Confident and Courteous?

OMG...I feel really "man-crazy" today lol.  I think because it's Friday and of course I will be working and performing tonight. Thus spending another Friday night not dating lol.  I am trying to make that happen though!

In fact I have started reaching out to guys via some dating sites just about every other night.  In the past, I have joined a site, I send out a couple of feelers, gotten no hits and given up.  This time I am just sending out feelers to meet a quota.  One a day so that I can't get stuck analyzing any one guy cause I'm pursuing a new one everyday lol (genusis huh?).  Now watch it be my luck 2 weeks from now I will have all these guys messaging me back at the SAME time lol. 

Anywho, I was talking to my friend Mary and I mentioned my aching legs after doing some lap dancing (in the penthouse for exercsie purposes ya nasty...).  Then I was like this shirt looks good on me and I kept messing with my boobs and she was like "why do you keep talking about your body and stuff?" Now Mary knows I'm trying to loose weight so I was a little put off and then I had the thought..."was I weight loss  assholing"?  I DO NOT want to be that person that goes on and on about their changing self oblivious that they are making others uncomfortable by inadvertedly reminding them of their own weight issues. 

I mean how am I supposed to be confident and courteous? Anywho I think that is more of a sliding scale answer than a definiteive answer lol.  Anywho, in light of the Mary convo I realzied that I never had a "sexual revolution". ---wait I will tie this together lol---- Now that I'm slowly starting to kind of like my body I kinda want to take it out for a spin, hence the man-crazyness I think lol.  There's A LOT more to this but I will summarize it with this...when every other little tween girl was going through boyfriends, experimenting with her wardrobe, and secretly kissing boys I was avoiding EVERYONE, writing, reading, and doing everything alone and trying to pretend I didn't exist.  Then when I came out of that period of my life I was so geeked to have friends that the word "boyfriend" didn't even commute until I got to college.  I still didn't get any play in college but I realized that my ass and boobs have a purpose even if I have yet to figure out how to accurately use them lol.

The point being...I've spent a great deal of my life wishing I had the confidence I am developing now.  And I can't dismiss that because I'm worried what others will think.  Maybe that's the beginning of WL assholing but, I can't come this far and not celebrate (hell I've only lost 10 lbs since January lol) cause this has been HARD.  I think as long as I don't actively talk about my WL around people I can still be confident and let that shine through my ACTIONS.  Words=analyzing. Analyizing=BAD lol..

Pheelin Phrisky!

Earl