Then I immediately thought how is it that I can get dressed up and feel so empowered one day and on a different day put on the same outfit and feel like crap? And no it's not just the hormones either guys lol. This why I struggle with the whole "why I'm losin weight thing". There have been lots of phabulously curvy women out there who work being plus sized and get the hottest men. I, like a jealous asshole, always secretly think " oh he just wants her cause she's probably desperate" to make myself feel better but then I get my guts ripped rightly out every time I see a big girl with a hot guy in a LONG TERM relationship or married. Then what's my excuse to hate on her or myself? It's a matter of truly believing EVERYDAY that I am phabulous! That is something I strive for. THAT is a goal I want to reach. Screw losing 25 by July, if I could truly accept myself to a non-therapy degree (no one loves their body all the time not even the stars or there wouldn't be anyone to throw up in fancy Hollywood restaurants lol) I would be the happiest Earl I could be not despite my size but AT any size (just teared up on that one...whew....)!
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Confused...
yes I have moments like this, don't judge punk lol... Okay so, I did my progress post and came to my front page to see my old headshot. So then I was like "Oh shit I gots to get the new headshot up, cause it's divalicious". Then I immediately thought how is it that I can get dressed up and feel so empowered one day and on a different day put on the same outfit and feel like crap? And no it's not just the hormones either guys lol. This why I struggle with the whole "why I'm losin weight thing". There have been lots of phabulously curvy women out there who work being plus sized and get the hottest men. I, like a jealous asshole, always secretly think " oh he just wants her cause she's probably desperate" to make myself feel better but then I get my guts ripped rightly out every time I see a big girl with a hot guy in a LONG TERM relationship or married. Then what's my excuse to hate on her or myself? It's a matter of truly believing EVERYDAY that I am phabulous! That is something I strive for. THAT is a goal I want to reach. Screw losing 25 by July, if I could truly accept myself to a non-therapy degree (no one loves their body all the time not even the stars or there wouldn't be anyone to throw up in fancy Hollywood restaurants lol) I would be the happiest Earl I could be not despite my size but AT any size (just teared up on that one...whew....)!
Then I immediately thought how is it that I can get dressed up and feel so empowered one day and on a different day put on the same outfit and feel like crap? And no it's not just the hormones either guys lol. This why I struggle with the whole "why I'm losin weight thing". There have been lots of phabulously curvy women out there who work being plus sized and get the hottest men. I, like a jealous asshole, always secretly think " oh he just wants her cause she's probably desperate" to make myself feel better but then I get my guts ripped rightly out every time I see a big girl with a hot guy in a LONG TERM relationship or married. Then what's my excuse to hate on her or myself? It's a matter of truly believing EVERYDAY that I am phabulous! That is something I strive for. THAT is a goal I want to reach. Screw losing 25 by July, if I could truly accept myself to a non-therapy degree (no one loves their body all the time not even the stars or there wouldn't be anyone to throw up in fancy Hollywood restaurants lol) I would be the happiest Earl I could be not despite my size but AT any size (just teared up on that one...whew....)!
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