So, I am in infatuation with a guy. He shall remain nameless cause who knows how apeshit I'm gonna go here. Basically he's one of those guys you meet and can't find anything wrong with him. It also helps that---get this---I've only met him once lol. I know kind of pathetic and kind of intrigues me because NO MAN has EVER made that kind of impression on me. It must also be stated that I pretty much HATE dating and have given up. A lot of this actually has to do with my weight. It's funny cause my shrink (therapist) and I often get into debates about that last statement and hence why I am putting this blog here. I'm trying to "be real" so don't judge me yet lol... I used to think that men only saw what was on the outside. And as a 5'7.5 obese woman that spells doom lol. But then as I have matured and met more mature men, it has come to my attention that perhaps there are a small percentage of men who actually value things other than how hot a chick looks in skin tight jeggings. Now here is where me and my therapist and I disagree...I still think that men value their attraction to the outside FIRST it's natural and it seems---and I'm not trying to man hate here I'm just saying but it seems---- like most men are kind of simply hardwired to think that. Girl. Boobs. Hot. lol. And to me, men who have tried to talk to me or thrown some interest in me do it not because they are attracted to me physically but because of my personality. Now every once and while there is an exception. Just this past Saturday some random guy bought my $3 PBR and just walked away. It was very odd cause I'd just sat down, no convo nothing. He just saw me and reacted. Clearly he liked what he saw cause he sprang for the Pabst lol. But I sometimes feel that the MAJORITY of men simply "tolerate" big women. I mean who wouldn't want to bang someone who looks like Kim Kardashian or Megan Fox, or Beyonce? Or better yet how about the girl next door....you know those girls 5'5, skinny or "thick" (a.k.a fat in all the right places), plain hair, sweet disposition....yeah NOT me. And not to be all hollywood but I'm kind of reminded of Glee's bullying episode this weekend (hate me later for the Glee reference lol)...I already realize I have put these girls (the preferred type girls I mentioned above) on a pedestal thats why I envy them. Yes men love them but...and here's my shrinks opinion lol...because there a few men out there who actually find some bigger women attractive I should deduce that my evaluation of how men think can't be correct. Note I said should because I think she's FOS because I've done the leg work! And if you're a big girl who's ever been out with her skinny friends then you know where I'm coming from (its the DUFF Syndrome---being treated like the Designated Ugly Fat Friend). And I know it's easy to say "well if you weren't so anal or treated YOURSELF like a D.U.F.F. men could get to know you" and you're probably right lol. But I will counter with this...I want to meet someone I am attracted to, who lives in this friggin state, and is attracted to me not IN SPITE of my weight or even because of it (there are men who just love fat women because they're fat, like it's a fetish or something...?), but because they want to both touch me AND talk to me. I think we all know this feeling...when you meet someone and all you want to do is wrap your arms around them and talk about stupid shit as they hold you. That feeling of just being close and sharing a moment with someone who "gets" you? Ugh...wasn't expecting that emotional revelation....I spose' this is the first "lovin myself first" blog...ugh squared... It's only 9:03am am I already need a dam drink lol...
Monday, February 7, 2011
Okay...gonna blog then be done...
Okay, so I have been majorly avoiding this subject but since I am a naturally expressive person trying to keep any thought in my head for too long is pretty much impossible lol. I also warn you that this is one of those super personal blogs so if you are uncomfortable or have some pithy dating advise to give me please KEEP THAT SHIT TO YOURSELF! I see a shrink for that crap. I am also working on 4 hours of sleep and apologize in advance for my extreme crankiness lol. 
So, I am in infatuation with a guy. He shall remain nameless cause who knows how apeshit I'm gonna go here. Basically he's one of those guys you meet and can't find anything wrong with him. It also helps that---get this---I've only met him once lol. I know kind of pathetic and kind of intrigues me because NO MAN has EVER made that kind of impression on me. It must also be stated that I pretty much HATE dating and have given up. A lot of this actually has to do with my weight. It's funny cause my shrink (therapist) and I often get into debates about that last statement and hence why I am putting this blog here. I'm trying to "be real" so don't judge me yet lol... I used to think that men only saw what was on the outside. And as a 5'7.5 obese woman that spells doom lol. But then as I have matured and met more mature men, it has come to my attention that perhaps there are a small percentage of men who actually value things other than how hot a chick looks in skin tight jeggings. Now here is where me and my therapist and I disagree...I still think that men value their attraction to the outside FIRST it's natural and it seems---and I'm not trying to man hate here I'm just saying but it seems---- like most men are kind of simply hardwired to think that. Girl. Boobs. Hot. lol. And to me, men who have tried to talk to me or thrown some interest in me do it not because they are attracted to me physically but because of my personality. Now every once and while there is an exception. Just this past Saturday some random guy bought my $3 PBR and just walked away. It was very odd cause I'd just sat down, no convo nothing. He just saw me and reacted. Clearly he liked what he saw cause he sprang for the Pabst lol. But I sometimes feel that the MAJORITY of men simply "tolerate" big women. I mean who wouldn't want to bang someone who looks like Kim Kardashian or Megan Fox, or Beyonce? Or better yet how about the girl next door....you know those girls 5'5, skinny or "thick" (a.k.a fat in all the right places), plain hair, sweet disposition....yeah NOT me. And not to be all hollywood but I'm kind of reminded of Glee's bullying episode this weekend (hate me later for the Glee reference lol)...I already realize I have put these girls (the preferred type girls I mentioned above) on a pedestal thats why I envy them. Yes men love them but...and here's my shrinks opinion lol...because there a few men out there who actually find some bigger women attractive I should deduce that my evaluation of how men think can't be correct. Note I said should because I think she's FOS because I've done the leg work! And if you're a big girl who's ever been out with her skinny friends then you know where I'm coming from (its the DUFF Syndrome---being treated like the Designated Ugly Fat Friend). And I know it's easy to say "well if you weren't so anal or treated YOURSELF like a D.U.F.F. men could get to know you" and you're probably right lol. But I will counter with this...I want to meet someone I am attracted to, who lives in this friggin state, and is attracted to me not IN SPITE of my weight or even because of it (there are men who just love fat women because they're fat, like it's a fetish or something...?), but because they want to both touch me AND talk to me. I think we all know this feeling...when you meet someone and all you want to do is wrap your arms around them and talk about stupid shit as they hold you. That feeling of just being close and sharing a moment with someone who "gets" you? Ugh...wasn't expecting that emotional revelation....I spose' this is the first "lovin myself first" blog...ugh squared... It's only 9:03am am I already need a dam drink lol...
So, I am in infatuation with a guy. He shall remain nameless cause who knows how apeshit I'm gonna go here. Basically he's one of those guys you meet and can't find anything wrong with him. It also helps that---get this---I've only met him once lol. I know kind of pathetic and kind of intrigues me because NO MAN has EVER made that kind of impression on me. It must also be stated that I pretty much HATE dating and have given up. A lot of this actually has to do with my weight. It's funny cause my shrink (therapist) and I often get into debates about that last statement and hence why I am putting this blog here. I'm trying to "be real" so don't judge me yet lol... I used to think that men only saw what was on the outside. And as a 5'7.5 obese woman that spells doom lol. But then as I have matured and met more mature men, it has come to my attention that perhaps there are a small percentage of men who actually value things other than how hot a chick looks in skin tight jeggings. Now here is where me and my therapist and I disagree...I still think that men value their attraction to the outside FIRST it's natural and it seems---and I'm not trying to man hate here I'm just saying but it seems---- like most men are kind of simply hardwired to think that. Girl. Boobs. Hot. lol. And to me, men who have tried to talk to me or thrown some interest in me do it not because they are attracted to me physically but because of my personality. Now every once and while there is an exception. Just this past Saturday some random guy bought my $3 PBR and just walked away. It was very odd cause I'd just sat down, no convo nothing. He just saw me and reacted. Clearly he liked what he saw cause he sprang for the Pabst lol. But I sometimes feel that the MAJORITY of men simply "tolerate" big women. I mean who wouldn't want to bang someone who looks like Kim Kardashian or Megan Fox, or Beyonce? Or better yet how about the girl next door....you know those girls 5'5, skinny or "thick" (a.k.a fat in all the right places), plain hair, sweet disposition....yeah NOT me. And not to be all hollywood but I'm kind of reminded of Glee's bullying episode this weekend (hate me later for the Glee reference lol)...I already realize I have put these girls (the preferred type girls I mentioned above) on a pedestal thats why I envy them. Yes men love them but...and here's my shrinks opinion lol...because there a few men out there who actually find some bigger women attractive I should deduce that my evaluation of how men think can't be correct. Note I said should because I think she's FOS because I've done the leg work! And if you're a big girl who's ever been out with her skinny friends then you know where I'm coming from (its the DUFF Syndrome---being treated like the Designated Ugly Fat Friend). And I know it's easy to say "well if you weren't so anal or treated YOURSELF like a D.U.F.F. men could get to know you" and you're probably right lol. But I will counter with this...I want to meet someone I am attracted to, who lives in this friggin state, and is attracted to me not IN SPITE of my weight or even because of it (there are men who just love fat women because they're fat, like it's a fetish or something...?), but because they want to both touch me AND talk to me. I think we all know this feeling...when you meet someone and all you want to do is wrap your arms around them and talk about stupid shit as they hold you. That feeling of just being close and sharing a moment with someone who "gets" you? Ugh...wasn't expecting that emotional revelation....I spose' this is the first "lovin myself first" blog...ugh squared... It's only 9:03am am I already need a dam drink lol...
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