....

Went out for a friends birthday at the WORST place to go for anyone trying to loose weight...OLIVE GARDEN. Yeah that was horrible. Had a plan to load up on salad and still almost finished my Asiago chicaken ravioli, plus some custard for dessert and two glasses of wine. I have been avoiding this blog all day because I hate feeling bad because I ate something. I mean this is what my life and most women's lives have come dwn, their self esteem and worth based off what they eat. Like all day (and I pretty much gave WW the bird today having mcdonalds for lunch and wendys for dinner) I've been pretty depressed. Hey I said I'd be honest and well this wouldn't be a truthful blog if I didn't mention how bad it can get.

When you're sitting at home just thinking and silently asking God "Why can't I just control what I put in my stupid mouth!" or todays mantra "I might as well make my dam lap band appointment". Yeah it's been one of those days. Been on this journey for two months and some change and I have incread my exercise and mobility but all I really have to show for it is a 3lb gain. Since I got out the most important points I will spare you any more of self deprication that's going through my head and leave you with this...this is hard. Really really fucking hard. And it goes so much deeper than what I put in my mouth like all the doctors say. Self discipline is hard when you've never had any lol but this is a journey and I won't spend too much more time on this...I have two more weeks of WW online and then I start meetings and I'm praying, begging, hoping to God they help...