Right now, I'm in a staged reading for my theatre company, Bareboned Theatre. I'm reading the lead so, it's making me stay focused on the text and that's where I'm at my best! I've done a lot of first person narratives or funny stuff in the last year, but when I can get into a script and find all the different levels and start making thematic connections not only do I feel like the thousands of dollars I have in school loans are worth it, if gives me a brief chance to actually use my brain and do what I'm not only good at (not bragging just trying to be positive lol) but I'm PASSIONATE about.
I've also had my first rehearsal for my storytelling piece on March 30th and I am so psyched. It's pretty tight, I just need to solidify some of my character choices. I just wish my friend Katie could be there (Katie if you ever read this I am not trying to make you feel bad! Keep reading there is a deeper point I swear!). Not only because she's a major player in the story but because I want her to understand and I think she knows by the way I act, but really know on a deeper level how hard it is for me to be open to dating. It's not just a "he'll think I'm too fat" thing. It's a "he'll never understand me/I'm too different/I'm too busy/I'm too everything that will cover the fact that I'm simply scared of the "man" unknown" lol.
And I'm not just talking about "getting hurt" or rejected. Men think sooooo differently from us that when they do do something stupid it's hard to know when it's intentional and when they just don't get it lol. I mean I people watch all the time, but I especially man-watch. How they react to different situations and people. They're actually quite fascinating creatures lol. I have a guy friend, "James", who is very..."open" about his sex life. And like hearing about what he really thinks of these girls, not in malicious way, is like mind blowing. He's also a little impulsive and an artist that has no filter so I probably shouldn't paint all men with his brush. But some of the things he's said it's like "I wonder if men think this about us all the time? Is dating/hooking up really that simple?". I won't divulge the details because he's a good guy and he's very upfront with the women so it's not like he's playing them or anything lol.
But this does bring to light that old Sex and City episode about "having sex like a man". Dude if I could remove the very active diatribe I go through as I'm trying to flirt or speak to a guy I'd be able to have sex like a man. Which as I have observed is pretty instinctive..primal instinct in fact. Meaning, they kind of think like this...."I'm horny, wish I could get off without jackin off. Who do I know will put out and not make a big deal out of it. Someone who's cute enough and just wants to get off too...hmmmm". Okay if you're a guy yes that was a caricature of men, but I don't think it's too far off. Notice how I didn't say too much about what the girl has to look like. This is also the thoughts of a guy who is kind of mature. I mean it's not about games or relationships, but primal instinctual need to be intimate with another human being. I had typed "need to release pen up frustration OR physical intmacy with another human being" but I scratched the first part because if it was all just about a release why don't guys simply jack off all the time, and girls for that matter too??? Yes, we want that release but deep down even the most seasoned of players and/or no-commitment relationshipists (not to be confused with commitment phones...hey some people just don't want to and some shouldn't be in relationships) will admit that it feels better with another person BECAUSE of the imatacy. Give and take. Simple. Primal. Instinctual. ....yup all this coming from a virgin. Again, this is just my OBSERVATIONS. I know I'm painting with a gigantic brush right now lol.
Problem is that not all men think this way. Some like to make it...more difficult really. These are the guys who, let's face it, want to get off by ANY MEANS necessary.
These are the guys who play the games and say what you want to hear to get your panties but will freak when you actually take him serious and want it to go farther. These are the guys who will flirt and tease for attention but have no plans to follow through because they're too scared to tell you they're not attracted to you and just wanted the attention. These are the guys who go to meat market clubs and pick up girls because they assume once a girl gets liquored up she'll be more willing to put out. Now I'm not male bashing here I'm just going off experience here that compared with the guys in the latter group I would rather have a guy like "James" who actually THINKS about hooking up before simply reducing himself to pandering to get laid. I mean we're all adults that why I'm not hating AT ALL on "James". Once we all reach a certain age, we realize that sex is great but intamacy is a PRIMAL NEED. Don't let the old fogies fool you into thinking that intimacy is not important. Yes, as people get older the need isn't as urgent for sex but you'd be a fool (Miranda) to think it's not important. And yes, that was indeed another Sex In the City reference a-thank you. I've seen some couples gain so much joy from just the intimate action of holding hands, so it doesn't always have to be sex but if you can physically and emotional have sex I bet it's better lol. Again, I'm hypothesizing here. But, I'm betting the guys who make it more diffcult are actually the ones most SCARED of intmacy....and I'm sure some of them are just douchey and don't get it yet. I call this the "fucking around" phase that all men and I think women go through. When they mess around like a dog who's learned a new trick---they'll do it until it no longer interests him. The dog, will them look for something more interesting to keep his attention. It's quite elementary Watson. Okay enough of the psuedo-scientific ramblings....
Periodically Tabled (yeah I typed it...),
Earl
No comments:
Post a Comment