Sexy Earl?

So, I stopped an asthma attack Wed. but had to go to the ER anyway because I still couldn't take deep breaths.  Got some steroids ( hello weight gain) and am super congested due to supa bad sinus infection that keeps coming back over and over again.  Yes, Earl clearly needs to take better care of herself (making dr's appt's today)  lol...starting Sunday....to explain Watson...

This week I had a lot of contact from guy's I've been attracted to.  Even the one guy from college I would have willing been a sex slave to (and he's so nerdy and oblivous he probably wouldn't have known what to do with a 300lb black love slave lmao...).  And occasionally I have times like this where I almost feel...sexy.  In fact on whim, when I was having one of these "moments", I decided that I needed to impulse shop...for something sexy.  I was feeling sexy why not enjoy the sexy right?  So, off I go to the porn store my best friend and I go.  Yes, I enjoy some good adult entertainment now and again and I purchased a one size fit all fishnet dress.  Convinced my fat would ooze out of the openings I went home and immeadiately tried it on.  To my surprise it actually made me look quite shapely as it was real fishnet not like nylon so it kinda sucked me in.  I tried it on both with and without underwear.  Of course with underwear everything looked a bit more packaged lol.  But even aue natural, I still looked shapely....even I thought I'd still do me lol. 

So, given all of my "minimal guy contact", I told one of my friends that I should practice before I see my latest crush.  I told her I wanted to be confident and not squander my chances due to nervousness.   After a lengthy and quite hilarious conversation about my views on Friends with Benefits (oh yes that is a WHOLE nother blog) I remebered I had "the dress". I'm actually at a point where I think if I really wanted to get a guy to my house I probably could.  I mean they are men lol.  But then what?  I'm so dam awkward and nervouse that my friend suggested a "dry run" lol.
Yes ladies, a dry run lol.

So, this Sunday in an attempt to continually "show loving kindness to myself", I'm going to get a bottle of wine, make a sexy playlist on iTunes (every man and woman should have one), take out "the dress", and my 3 inch "fuck me" pumps and practice being the hostess with the mostest lol.  If the mood is right I might transition right into some nice "private time".  lol.  And for you squares out there, for realsies, I'm 30 and I'm a virgin...I need all the help I can get lol.  And I think more because I'm waiting on my body to change rather to accept it like it is before I really "put myself out there".  So, sunday's "dry run" will be an attempt for me to try to enjoy feeling sexy at THIS size.  I mean what if I could never physically (like say I had some disorder) loose weight?  I'd have to find a way to enjoy my body right? I am for the first time trying to actually work on not hating my body and avoiding sex for the rest of my life because that is not the answer!.....and I'm really horny all the time lol. 

"I'm not gonna be afraid!"

Master Planning the Phinal Frontier,

Earl

p.s.
That last line was my favorite and the most important line from "The Sweetest Thing"...a kind of dumb Cameron Diaz and Christina Applegate film, but there is so much truth and fun to the movie that it's one of my faves...plus there's the whole "penis song"...rent it and enjoy my friends!